It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
