what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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