We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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