Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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