A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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