Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
