You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
