you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
