I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Randomize
