Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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