fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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