i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
