Dual....:-)
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
