my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
