Where is the hickey?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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