Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
