i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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