I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
