They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Randomize
