Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
