I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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