so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
