I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
