it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
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