omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
