Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
