so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
