Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
