I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
