Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
