alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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