That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
