a queef is a wish your heart makes.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
