Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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