i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
