I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
