i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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