Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
