Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
