what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
