I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
