You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
