My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
