Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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