I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
