at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
