I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
