We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
