yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
