I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
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