How'd it feel making her break her religion?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
