Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
