i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He better not be in your backpack
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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